Travel

I like to see different parts of the world but I don't like to travel. I need to have things familiar around me and going to a new place always throws my system off. My husband, Michael, loves to travel so I try to deal with my difficulties. Sometimes, I just let him go alone which he doesn't mind at all.

This past week, we went to visit my family in Kansas City. It was wonderful to see them since it had been so long. The picture above is of my 90 year-old grandmother. We didn't think to take a picture of my whole family. I had some quiet time with my grandmother and it was wonderful to hear stories from her earlier days. It's a time I will always cherish.

Since I am sensitive to noise, I wasn't happy when I saw a baby on our 30 minute flight to Atlanta. I love babies but I knew he/she would cry which is what happened. I used my ear plugs but they didn't help much. We had a break in the Atlanta airport before boarding our next flight to Kansas City. Atlanta is a big airport and it was crowded which was another challenge to my over stimulation issues.

Unfortunately when we boarded the plane, our waiting wasn't over. There was a a warning light on in the plane's control panel so the pilot couldn't take-off until he figured out what it was. Of course this caused the passengers to joke and laugh. I just wanted to get out of the noise but of course this wasn't possible.

The trip reminded me again how glad I am to have a small family without a lot of screaming kids in it! Perhaps I would get better at being in so much stimulation if I was in it more. I can now drive on the highway when I couldn't in the beginning and that is because I pushed myself here in Asheville to do this. I also can handle large crowds better now. I do use compensatory strategies when necessary but if I had a big family with lots of children, I would have to use them much, much more.

If you have a brain injury, it it difficult for you to travel? How do you manage this? See above right for commenting instructions. I still am unable to comment here do to a glitch but if you'd like to hear from me feel free to email me at puffer61@gmail.com

Memory

I preached my favorite sermon Hagar: A First Person Sermon last Sunday at Circle of Mercy. I've preached this sermon several times and I must say, it's a pretty good one. I wrote it when I was a student at Central Baptist Seminary in Kansas City in the early 90's. I preached it again at Columbia Seminary in Atlanta for my senior sermon. I've since preached it at two other churches.

Usualy when I speak, I print the words double-spaced in HUGE type. When I spoke at Grace Covenant recently, I was glad it was short so I could get it all on one page. The copy I had of this sermon wasn't printed very large since the last time I preached it my double vision wasn't as bad as it is now. I figured I knew it well enough so it didn't need to be so large. Plus it's sort of annoying to have to turn so many pages.

It's the sort of sermon that would be better memorized but I just can't remember things like this now. The pulpit was set lower in order for a child to use it earlier but it was too low for me. I'm glad I knew the sermon well since seeing the words was difficult. I'm not sure what it is called but I have difficulty reading in a straight line. I always use my finger to mark the sentence so when I look up and then back down again, I know where my place is.

I have trouble remembering names. I get so irritated when someone says, "Oh, I can't remember names either!" I know they're trying to make me feel better but the opposite happens. I feel really alienated from the rest of society because I imagine they can remember someones name after being told it 500 times. I wish they would say, "I know it doesn't compare to your difficulty with names but I do have trouble with them as well so I know a little bit about what you mean."

When I go to a meeting, I always try and think about people's names beforehand. Sometimes I write them down on a little piece of paper and put it in my pocket to look at it later. I try not to be too embarrassed about asking someones name - especially if I've known them for a long time - but it is hard. I believe that calling someone by name is important but I just can't do it. I'm trying to accept my challenge in this area but it is hard.

Do you have difficulty remembering names or other things? I understand that some folks with a TBI aren't as severely impaired with this as I am but I'm interested in your thoughts. Commenting instructions are above on the right. I cannot respond to your comments here due to a computer problem so if you'd like a response, contact me directly puffer61@gmail.com

Speech

The picture on the left doesn't have anything to do with my speech but rather is a picture of my coffee grinder. This morning I ground some coffee beans and brewed up some fresh coffee in my super-duper coffee maker. I don't drink coffee every day, only for a treat. When I drank it every day, I found I was addicted to caffeine and I didn't like this. So now I brew it a couple of times a week but I make sure it is good coffee. No Folgers for me!

I've got a lot on my mind. It doesn't take much now for me to get stressed out but I've learned how to deal with it. Prior to drinking my wonderful coffee, I went to the Y and swam laps. Normally I take an aerobics swim class but today I didn't feel like following an instructor's directions while making sure I didn't run into other class members. I even worked on my speed something I rarely do. I felt wonderful afterwards.

This past Sunday I did a short stewardship moment at Grace Covenant Presbyterian Church. I'm not one for speaking about stewardship but the theme I was asked to speak about was right up my alley. I am having some problems with double vision again. The doctor said it wasn't bad enough for another surgery but he wanted to try something different. He blurred the vision in my left eye with the hope my brain would make up the difference allowing my right eye to do the work. Well, my double vision went away but everything was blurry. When I speak, I always enlarge the words but this time I needed to make them really big to make up for my blurred vision. I tolerate the double vision must better than the blurriness so I ordered new lenses yesterday.

On Sunday, I made a point to sit on the right side up front since I knew I was going to speak from the pulpit. Unfortunately a child sat in front of me. I like children but I don't do well when a child fidgets and squirms. This is why I always sit in the front since I'm usually away from any distractions. I could feel myself getting overwhelmed and I looked to see if I could move somewhere less chaotic but there was no where to go.

I then remembered what I knew about over stimulation. One is stimulated in several ways: sounds, bright lights, touch and visual stimuli. The boy was getting up and down in his seat, playing with his cars on the pews and writing in his book. I decided to close my eyes to block out this visual stimulation. It worked! I could feel myself relaxing and when it was time to speak, I was fine. Of course, I worried what people would think when they saw me closing my eyes during the sermon but I figured it was a small price to pay.

I know I''m a good speaker. It stresses me out by I like to do it. When I was first injured, I repeated endless word lists trying to learn how to articulate again. I know plenty of folks who have a brain injury whose speech is not clear. This next Sunday, I'm going to preach my first-person Hagar sermon at Circle of Mercy. I've preached this one several times and it is a fun one to preach. I'm doing everything I know to deal with the stress (ie swimming hard laps this morning) and it will be fine. I probably don't even need to enlarge the words much since I know it so well. I wish I could preach it without notes but I don't trust my memory.

How do you deal with stress? If you have a brain injury, do you struggle with over stimulation? See above right for commenting instructions. I'm still not able to comment here (I think a friend is going to help me figure out why that is) so if you would like a response, email me directly puffer61@gmail.com I see this blog as a way for folks with a brain injury to be able to share their struggles but I've discovered commenting here is difficult. Would you comment if it was easier to do so? I can switch to another service but I don't want to do this unless folks will use the commenting section. Email me your thoughts.

General Assembly

Posted on the left is a picture that a friend from Circle of Mercy sent out. The Occupation has folks with different beliefs about a higher power but I thought it expressed my own beliefs well.

I'm writing a lot about the Wall Street protests this month because they are on my mind. Here in Asheville, there is a general assembly (ga) meeting every night downtown. It's at 7 PM and getting there is difficult since I don't see well in the dark. (This is result of the TBI) However, on the weekends they are in the afternoon so I can get downtown then. This past Saturday, I went to Pritchard Park for the meeting at 3 PM. Downtown Asheville is only about 15 minutes away but I can never remember exactly how to get there. I usually use my GPS but a parking garage doesn't have a direct address so I used written ones. The problem was my directions were wrong.

I couldn't find one parking deck but I did find the smaller one. Finding my car when I return is always a challenge so I looked for a sign telling me which floor I had parked. I saw no sign but I realized I was one floor above ground level. After exiting the garage, I didn't know how to get to the park. Fortunately this town is small so I figured asking for directions would be easy. Asheville is a tourist town and I asked three people who couldn't help me since they were visitors. Finally I asked a police officer who gave me the correct directions. I wrote them down so I could look at them when I returned home.

I'm glad I attended. I sat in the front so I wouldn't be distracted by the crowd. I managed to focus on what the speakers were saying despite the noise of traffic driving by and music on the street corner across the street. I think ga's are more streamlined now because this one was only 1 1/2 hours. I took a notebook and wrote down people's names so I would remember them later. There are a couple of different facebook groups and I like to try and put names and faces together when I can.

Going back, I didn't have any trouble finding the parking garage but I did have difficulty finding the car. My notes about its location were a bit haphazard and I had to hunt for it. I put bumper stickers on the car so I can recognize it when it's parked in a lot. This has helped me numerous times. After finding my car, I then used my GPS to get home.

I haven't written anything about the meeting but I wanted to express how difficult it is for me to get to places. Once I'm there I have to deal with all the challenges involved in attending the event. I don''t want to complain but sometimes this does get on my nerves. I want to be involved in things but I've learned to set limits and try to be involved in the ways I can. The challenge for me is to not feel guilty. I try and remember this is who I am now and I do what I can.

International Day of Action

Sunday was the day when all cities involved in the Occupy Wall Street movement came together and had some sort of action. Here in Asheville, there was a rally in Pritchard Park with music and speakers at 2 PM. The picture above is of that rally. Following the rally was the general assembly followed by picketing. Lorettas's Kitchen has been providing meals every day but I'm not sure they did this on Saturday. There was plenty of donated food, however and it was a great day.

The Asheville Citizen Times did a story on the occupation Sunday. http://www.citizen-times.com/article/20111016/NEWS/310160066/Occupy-Asheville-protesters-explain-why-they-re-here?odyssey=tabtopnewstextFrontpage This movement doesn't have any leaders and it''s been hard for people to pin down exactly what the demands are. When I attended the General Assembly, we broke up into working groups and I sat in on a group trying to come up with specific demands. A proposal will come before the General Assembly which will then decide by consensus whether to support this proposal.

I support this movement 100% but it is not a good project for someone with a brain injury to be involved in. Due to my frontal lobe injuries, I need structure and organizing anything is very difficult for me. This movement has no structure and is figuring things out as it goes along. Yesterday I was fortunate to sit next to a couple of folks involved in the organizing process and listened in on their conversation. They mentioned many of the things I've been concerned about. I was impressed with their thoughts and it gave me hope that this movement is going somewhere. I don't need to step up for there are others willing and able to do this.

Let me mention a couple of my challenges. I've mentioned cognitive overload before and it was really a problem for me during the meetings. So much goes on and I have to "rest my brain." Toward the end of the rally I knew that I needed to go somewhere, put in my ear plugs and sit quietly for a few minutes. The problem was, we were at Pritchard Park in downtown Asheville so there really was no place for me to go. I ended up walking to the back of the park and finding a place by a wall and under a tree. I put in my ear plugs and sat down on the ground next to the wall. The ear plugs didn't block all the sound but it was enough. When I heard the meeting was about to begin, I joined it again.

It is difficult for me to focus and to pay attention in these types of environments. I have discovered the best way for me to focus is to sit near the front. I've gone to two other partial general assemblies and I sat in the back. This caused problems because I kept hearing people talking around me and I could not focus. This time I decided I would sit right in the front. I found a place for the rally but when I left to "rest my brain" for a few minutes, I had to find another place in front. I felt a little uncomfortable moving to the front like I did, but I knew it was the only way I would be able to focus on the conversation.

I wish I could remember names! I watched Sunday's meeting last night on the live stream and one of the organizers said something about homeless folks and I had some resources to share. I didn't know his name so I spent a good part of today sending emails to the facebook group. I finally reached someone by messaging on facebook. I don't even know if my resources would do any good but at least I got them to the right place. I'm going to start a file with a list of the names of different people from the group. There is a facebook page with 3000+ members and I'm forever getting confused as to who is who.

I plan to set limits as I do with other things that are difficult for me. I won't be able to attend many general assemblies but I will attend the ones I can. I plan to read the information on the web site and listen to the live stream. I really support this and I want to be involved in any way I can.

If you are a brain injury survivor, are there things that are difficult for you to do yet you still try to do them? Is it hard for you to accept this fact? Do you find compensatory strategies to do those things? See above right for commenting instructions. I'm still not able to respond to your comments here do to technical difficulties but feel free to contact me directly at Puffer61@gmail.com if you'd like a response.

Occupy Wall Street

Several weeks ago, a group of protesters camped out at a park by Wall Street to protest how 1% of the population makes many of the financial rules for the other 99%. One day last week, 700 people were arrested on the Brooklyn bridge. I'll write more about this movement later but it has grown across the country. The following video has become part of the many videos and programs being produced around this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB7PwcC9qzw&feature=player_embedded&noredirect=1 I think he made this back in August before the protests began which is really amazing.

A protest has sprung up here in Asheville but it's been very difficult for me to be involved. General Assemblies are held every night downtown and since I don't drive at night, getting there has been difficult. Plus my brain shuts off after about two hours in a meeting and sometimes these meetings go longer. I've only attended two meetings in Pritchard park and I've had a hard time focusing due to all the outside noise. The organizational structure is a consensus model with no leaders. This means meetings can be long with much time spent trying to come to consensus.

Tomorrow is set aside for all groups to meet in their respective cities and come together in solidarity. The movement is still very new and organizational things are not yet in place. This means communication has been a problem. It took me most of the day to finally figure out what is happening. I think I'm going to go with someone which will be great. My spatial orientation issues make driving and walking to different destinations downtown a real challenge. This is an exciting movement and I want to be part of it however I am able.

Fifty

My fiftieth birthday was on October 5. It's hard to believe I'm 50! I saw this tongue in cheek picture above about turning 50 and it made me smile.

What does turning 50 mean to me? In my forties I kept thinking about how much farther other people had come than me. Now I'm thinking about getting involved in the Wall Street protests happening in New York. There are groups forming in all different cities across the country and there is one here in Asheville. (http://occupyasheville.org/) I'm not too sure about the movement but I want to check it out. There is a General Assembly that meets every night at 7 pm downtown and I plan to go tonight.

I've been visiting the facebook page and it looks like several interesting things are happening. The movement consists of a whole lot of young people and I had a discussion with several others about age on that page. They all said they would never go back to being younger again. As I sit here now, I must agree with them. I've gained a lot of wisdom and I wouldn't want to give any of that back. I might be all grown up now but I'll never stop growing and changing.

I've been feeling a little down about being a TBI survivor so I looked at the essay Welcome to Holland again. (see 2/9/11) I especially like "But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, 'Yes, that's where I was supposed to go.....' But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland."

Since I do not work, I've had time to check out the facebook page for this Wall Street thing. There is a lot of material there and I'm glad I had a chance to look at it. I also had time to bake bread today. I do love putting my hands in the dough and then tasting it when it's all baked. I never would have done this if I had gone to Italy.

If you are a brain injury survivor, how old are you? Do you like being here in Holland instead of Italy? See top right for commenting instructions or email me directly at puffer61@gmail.com