A few weeks ago, I decided to do more things knowing full well that doing more things means getting overwhelmed pretty easily. I have got to stop worrying about what people think!
An example of this is, I really love singing in the choir at Grace Covenant Presbyterian but it is hard to sit in front of the whole church the way we do. I feel like everyone is looking at my every move! The choir looks so good wearing robes and carrying black folders for holding the music. We have a processional in and then one as we leave winding back up the side aisles to sing with the congregation.
I learned pretty quickly that I simply cannot handle the stimulation of standing in the narthex before the processional. After the noise of being in the choir room as everyone puts on their robes and practicing, it was just too much. So I don't process in but enter from the back. It works really well for me because I can take a few minutes sitting in a room alone "resting my brain."
It's difficult for me to hold the black folder because of my arthritic hand. It's much less painful for me to hold the anthem without the folder. However, I can't help worrying what people will think to see this lone choir member holder her music without the folder. I decided yesterday that I have to not care what people think and just do what I have to do to survive.
Yes, this has been a huge issue for me as I try to be involved more. I can do a whole lot but I have to do things differently. I know people may wonder why I do something a certain way but it is causing me to use too many of the nerurons I have left in my brain to worry so much. I know what I have to do and if someone wants to ask me about it, they can. I'm trying so hard not to spend time worrying what people think about me. It takes too much energy and I don't have any to spare!
So I did today what I always do when I'm stressed out. I swam laps at the Y. At first, I had the whole pool to myself. It's actually funny because I always worry about what the lifegaurd thinks of my sroke so I didn't want to swim in the lane closest to him.
I made a joke about this and to my shock, he said "Well, I don't have anything else to do so I always look at people's strokes!" I told him that if he had any comments about my stroke, to tell me because I really wanted to improve.
He then asked, "Are you sure? I've commented to people about their strokes and they have gotten mad at me so I've learned not to comment." I assured him that I really appreciated his suggestions. He gave me some wonderful tips on my kick and even showed me how to practice it. It got me thinking about how much I really want some coaching on my stroke. I checked at the front desk for some information on lessons.So this is my new project. I do have a good stroke but I know it could be better.
So in addition to my singing voice, I'm going to work on my swimming. I really like learning and I haven't been doing enough of it mainly because I learn differently now and I always worry about what people think! It's funny but since I stopped taking the medications I took for migrain headaches, I can think clearer now and I have more evergy. This allows me to learn new things and to enjoy what is before me.
Now if I could only stop worrying what people think of me!
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